Primes Don't Party
by ThreeInOne
Summary: Arcee has said before that Primes don't party. Well what if they do? And what if the Autobots just happen to be privy to one of Optimus's little "excursions"? Rated T for some Cybertronian cursing.


**((I am back, with another one of my random, pointless humor one-shots. This was inspired by rewatching "Con Job" today and Arcee saying that "Primes don't party". What if they do? This will contain Optimus OOC-ness, on purpose.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Transformers Prime or Dynamite by Taio Cruz.))**

It was a well-established fact that Primes didn't party. And Optimus was no exception to the rule. In fact, the others hadn't seen him at a single party they'd ever had, even the one for Wheeljack/Makeshift. It turned out that they learned a shocking truth about their leader, and it all started when Miko asked the single question: "Where does Optimus go when he's out of the base?"

Of course no one really had an answer for this, although they did speculate. In the end, speculation wasn't good enough for Miko, who even got Raf on her side somehow. The curiosity eventually spread to Bulkhead and Bumblebee and even Arcee wanted to know.

Which was how the four Autobots and three humans strapped on cloaking devices and tailed Optimus the next time he left base.

"I don't know how you talked me into this," Bulkhead groaned as Miko fidgeted in her seat.

"It's how she normally talks you into things," Ratchet grumped. "She annoys you until you cave."

"Hey!" Miko protested.

"If Optimus finds us, I'm blaming all of you," the medic established.

"If you didn't want to come, you didn't have to," Miko pointed out. The group continued down the dusty road, Optimus a speck in the distance, the Autobot leader leading them in what appeared to be nowhere. Then, without warning, he turned, and all swerved to catch up. He drove for some distance into the desert, before pausing and transforming. The group halted. Optimus's optics shifted left and right, before he approached a nearby rock nearly the size of the base. He stepped right through, the surface of the rock wavering and rippling like water.

"Whoa," Jack muttered. "Did anyone else see that?"

"Hologram," Arcee realized. "Clever." They approached it cautiously, transforming, before Arcee stuck her head through. She waved a hand to signal that it was all clear and then they all passed through. A huge metal building sat in plain view, with a door slightly ajar on the side. Worse was the Decepticon symbol on it. The Autobots brought out their weapons.

"Why would Optimus go to a Decepticon building?" Raf sounded nervous. "You don't think he's still-"

"Hardly," Ratchet snorted. "I'm sure there's a logical answer to this. We need to go in carefully. Keep the children behind us." They all went inside, down a short hall into the main room. A bar was set up to one side and what looked like a jukebox on the other, with Vehicons meandering about aimlessly, Energon cubes in hand. Knock Out was sitting at the bar crying to himself, with Dreadwing rolling his optics at KO's blathering about Breakdown and how he still missed him. Soundwave was seen in a corner asleep, stick-like arms folded over his chest, Laserbeak perched above him as his guard. Some of the Vehicons were playing pool or poker. It looked a little abnormal, even with the empty mini-stage in the middle of the room. And then it got a whole lot worse.

Optimus slid in John Travolta style, high-grade Energon cube in hand. "Hey hey party people!" he shouted out, drawing all optics to him in what was sure to be a death wish. However, much to the confusion of the Autobots, all the Decepticons cheered, while Optimus merely took a bite of his high-grade. Once the cheering had died down, he started, "Let's get this party started! Steve, put on something hot."

The Vehicon closest to the jukebox turned it on, changing it to a song. In an instant, Taio Cruz filled the room.

"_I came to dance, dance, dance, dance,_" Optimus, to the Autobots' and humans' shock, started singing and dancing. "_I'm on the floor c__ause that's my plans, plans, plans, plans. I'm wearing all my favorite brands, brands, brands, brands. Give me some space for __both my hands, hands, hands, hands. Yeah, yeah. Cause it goes on and on and on. And it goes on and on and on._" Optimus tossed his hands up into the air, the empty Energon cube going flying. "_I throw my servos up in the air sometimes, singing AYO, gotta let __go. I wanna celebrate and live my life, singing AYO, baby let's go. Cause we gon' rock this club, we gon' go all night, we gon' blow __it up, like it's dynamite. Now I told you once, now I told you twice, we gon' blow it up, like it's dynamite!_"

By now all the 'Cons were dancing along and Optimus took a mike. "Here he is, femmes and gentlemechs, the Master of Disaster, the scourge of Kaon, King Con himself. The one, the only, Megatron!"

Megatron came onto the stage and all the Autobots cringed. "Thank you Optimus," Megatron smiled. Then he took up where Optimus had left off. "_I came to move, move, move, move. Get out the way of me and my crew, crew, crew, crew. I'm in the club so I'm gonna __do, do, do, do. Just what the frag I came here to do. Yeah, yeah. Cause it goes on and on and on. And it goes on and on and on._"

Megatron mimicked Optimus's hand toss. "_I throw my servos up in the air sometimes, singing AYO, gotta let go. I wanna celebrate __and live my life, singing AYO, baby let's go._"

"_Cause we gon' rock this club,_" Optimus and Megatron sang together. "_We gon' go all night, we gon' blow it up, like it's dynamite. __Now I told you once, now I told you twice, we gon' blow it up, like it's dynamite!_" The crowd went into a roar as the song was ended there and the two leaders bowed.

"Thank you Decepticons," Optimus said once the tumult had ended. "We'll be here next week, same time, same channel. And don't forget; drinks are on me tonight." This resulted in another round of cheering and applauding, which awakened an angry Soundwave, who sent Laserbeak to rough up a few unlucky Vehicons. There was mute silence on the Autobots' part.

"Did Optimus just-" Bulkhead started.

"And with Megatron-" Arcee continued. Bumblebee beeped his confusion. Ratchet was stock-still in complete confusion.

As it was, a Vehicon noticed them. "We have intruders!" he yelled and suddenly all guns were pointed at them.

"Scrap," Arcee cursed.

"Guys!" Optimus stormed up to them, high-grade in hand, sounding annoyed. "Did you have to inter-I mean, uh, how much of that did you see?"

"Enough," Ratchet gave him a look. "We'll talk about this later."

"Aw man, not another one!" Megatron griped. "This is the third fragging vacation base we've had to blow up because of intruders! I am getting sick and tired of people ruining our fun." He was clearly a lot more enebriated than Prime, who was working on it. "Do you know how much work it takes to rule a huge organization and keep these pansies in line? It's not easy. And sometimes, just sometimes, I want some rest and relaxation time with my old buddy Oppy here. And then you Autobots come along and totally ruin it. Why? Why must you crush my dreams?" To their complete and utter shock, Megatron actually started crying. "Whhhhy?"

"Hey Megsy, shh, it's okay," Optimus tried to comfort him. "Uh, hey, look, it's Soundwave. I bet he needs a hug. Why don't you go cheer him up?"

"Sure," Megatron stumbled off to do as Optimus said. Then the Autobot leader was faced with his teammates.

"Would you, uh, believe this is an isolated incident?" Optimus tried.

"You'll be here next week, same time, same channel," Arcee quoted. "So, no."

"Okay, fine, I come here to get away from it all," Optimus admitted. "And I've been coming here for six months. By the way, we should probably leave before Megatron blows this place sky-high. He, uh, wasn't kidding about the intruder thing."

The venomous looks ensured that Optimus wasn't getting away with this scot-free even if he was the leader. The Autobots left quickly, Miko replaying the video of Optimus and Megatron on her phone.

Just wait until Agent Fowler saw this.

**((I kind of wondered where Prime goes to blow off steam and then inspiration struck. That, and he still has somewhat of a friendship with Megatron, so I considered them to be drinking buddies. By the way, I know Dynamite is over-done in stories like this, and it was originally going to be Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5. But I changed it.**

**Don't forget to press the button at the bottom of the screen, thank you.))**


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